My better judgement is screaming that I'll regret every second of this. My common sense is adding to the chorus.

There will be conditions. All of them need to be agreed to and upheld for me to consent and keep consenting.

First condition. I reserve the right withdraw my consent and to break this bond at any time and for any reason. There will be no arguments about the matter - it will be done. You have the same rights in breaking this contract.